Now and then...
Lectured in computer applications for 15 years
Polymer research and development scientist
Riding motorcycles at 14
Played football into his forties
Graduated from Liverpool University BSc
Kicked out of Bootle Grammar School
Born in Bootle during World War 2
George's biker name was Bald Eagle, due to his shaved head and big nose; his children contracted this to Beagle although he is not a dog and has never smoked in his life.
This eventually became Beag.
There are only three kinds of people in the world, irrespective of race, religion or football affiliation:
1. People who make things happen.
2. People who things happen to.
3. People who say "What happened?"
George is a type 2 – here are just a few of things that have happened to him, there's a lot more in the book.
He was born mid World War 2,
He slept through the May Blitz,
He puked on a rabbit
He was force fed cod liver oil
He stood on a dead horse washed up on the Cazzie,
He was bashed with a cricket bat until it broke
He kicked a vicar all the way home
He found a toad in a grid
He was knocked out by his Grannie
He lynched a neighbour,
He was Spring-heel Jack for a day
He formed a skiffle group,
He was blamed for everything at school, caned several times a week and was expelled from the same school,
He saved for a nose job but bought a motorbike instead
He obtained a chemistry degree at Liverpool University,
He poisoned a bully
He met a real goblin
He fell down Aber Falls and had 16 scalp stitches
He worked as a research scientist for twenty years,
He was poisoned by a ship's cook,
He performed operations without qualifications,
He met the Son of God,
He endured two sinus washes,
He was sacked from his first job,
He totally lost my memory,
He watched his mother die and thought he was dying,
He was attacked by a grizzly bear and buzzed by a shark,
He lectured computing for 15 years,
He was swindled out of thousands of pounds,
He had eight motorbike crashes in one year,
He spent thirteen years on the dole,
He was ignored by the Listening Bank,
He was attacked by a mad knifewoman,
He was transformed into a Klingon,
He survived a brain haemorrhage
A consultant said he would die
He was abducted by aliens, implanted and then rejected.
One of these confessions is a slight figment of his imagination – he'll let you decide.